Counseling Assignment

I was given the task to reflect how I've changed since the past semester in medical school. Just a stream of consciousness, nothing else. I find that I have pushed myself to know more people, hang out and try new things, and expose my weakness so that others can relate to me. I wanted to improve this fear of talking to new people, and generally I didn't show my fear except when I stutter. But this stuttering is also stemmed from my fear of tripping over a sentence or fear of having making a fool out of myself for saying stupid things, all of which ended with a self fulfilling prophecy. I stutter, I trip over sentences, I forget words and rely on basic vocabulary that a seven year old would have no trouble spewing out. It's very unlike my being confident, not caring about making a mistake, and my vocabulary caliber shows itself as high for my age. I don't know how to evoke that feeling of confidence, but it wanes as I stay around the same people or those who are more fluent in English, almost like they are superior to me, like a boss or manager. I'm secretly scared of being rebuked--and literally rebuked for making mistakes--on language and idioms, which probably stemmed from my fiascos in high school english classes, but I didn't think it would linger for this long. Do people, even chatterboxes, have moments of reticence because of shyness or simply a lack of want to speak? I think so, and I don't think it's very unusual. But I digress, as I'm supposed to talk about how I developed characteristically. I guess I learned to vent, to see that everyone is no different and makes mistakes. I learned that I too am dependent on others, and I am not strong enough to fight alone. I am not alone, but my brain or heart sometimes tells me so. I might have to solve this sooner or later. It is late, and if I want to succeed in maintaining my wish to sleep early, I should end this first post here. Till next entry.